Just a post about my feelings:
Past few days has been tough on me, on 5/5 I found out that my dear Grandmother has passed away. I am in shock still since my family in Japan has told me that she was doing well after her trip to the hospital few weeks back but suddenly had a stroke and passed away... I wasn't there to tell her how much I loved her, I keep on regretting how I wish I booked my ticket to Japan earlier so that I could of seen her, hold her hands, talk to her. She was my last living Grand parents that I had, I kept on remembering what she said to me last time I saw her years ago "come back soon, I am always thinking of you" The only thing that makes me feel better knowing is that my family has said she didn't suffer, she died in her sleep. My cousin also told me that she looked so beautiful and peaceful after she passed away, she also told me that my Grandma had a photo of me in front of her bed so she thinks she was thinking of me everyday. hearing that made my heart ache with so much pain because I wish I was there before she passed away.
I am still going to Japan on my original flight schedule on 5/22 since my family already had the cleansing ceremony and cremated my Grandmother 2 days after she passed away but they are not having the actual burial until her soul passes on after the 49th date since she passed away. I will get to be there with her in spirt till then and for the burial ceremony.
I was hoping and praying that she got well and that I couldn't wait to talk to her in person but I know she will always there. I know I can't regret about not going to Japan sooner but I just can't stop being mad at myself, just keep on thinking how I am never going to see her just hurts me so bad after she told me to come back soon... I never want to regret anything again, I want to live with passion and I never want to stop myself from doing what my heart tells me to do ever again cause I end up regretting it.
Thank you for all your kind words and condolences on twitter and instagram, I cannot tell you how much all your messages mean to me, thank you so much.
My favorite vintage photo of my Grandmother and her father my Great Grandfather.
おばあちゃん、
私もいつもいつもおばあちゃんの事を思っていました、もっと早く会いにい行けなくてごめんなさい、最後には会えなくてごめんなさい。凄く愛してます、色々とありがとうございました。
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